QotD: If at first you don't succeed...

What have you tried in life that you just weren't very good at?

Golf: I chop such huge holes in the turf that there's actually a golf club in Sacramento that won't let me in anymore.

I don't get it.

My cousin the I'll-play-golf-anywhere guy tried to teach me and I think I scared him, I was so bad. I slammed a ball into the party next to ours and almost took the head off of an old guy. Another shot ripped off all of the leaves on this one baby tree. I think I also hit a car in the parking lot, but I didn't bother to go out and check. I was afraid the owner would go after me for damages.

My cousin at one point screamed, this isn't baseball! You're supposed to aim at the hole, not the fence.

I screamed back, I AM aiming at the hole, dammit. I can't help it if it's so itty bitty.

Then my cousin told me this joke about a Japanese businessman who tried to learn how to play golf while he was visiting the U.S. but when his friends back home asked him what the name of the game was, he said, "Ah Shit!"

That's not funny, I said. That's racist.

It's not racist. You have no sense of humor, he said.

But it's obviously a play on the stereotype that all Japanese say "Ah so," I retorted. I think at that point I sent a ball flying into the water trap.

The problem is you turn everything into this heavy argument about racism and sexism....you know, I think you've wasted like a hundred dollars' worth of balls here.

I did not. I do not. Turn everything into an argument about racism....[It was getting hot that morning and I was out of breath from the walk between holes. Especially since it was taking me forever to whack the balls out of the sand traps. I think I was something like 60 above par.] You're the one who told the joke....

I think we should quit and go back to the clubhouse for a drink, my cousin sniffed. This is just a waste of time.

You're the one who said I should learn golf because it would be a great way to meet people and get some exercise. How come you never take your wife out golfing, by the way?

Because she hates it. And she's no good.

She's no good? Or her teacher is no good? You tried to teach her, right?

Okay, that's it....I tried. I'll tell your dad I tried.

Yeah, you do that. Tell him the "Ah shit" joke too.

I went to the clubhouse and had a Long Island iced tea. The only thing I enjoy about golf is sitting in fancy clubhouses and staring out at the green fairway while holding a cold drink in my hands. It seems so Gatsby-like.